Sunday, October 8, 2017

‘Hepeating’ Is The New Feminist Slang Term You Need To Start Using Immediately

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If there's one thing we can say for millennial women (apart from the fact that we're broke and hot), it's that we're fucking amazing at coming up with new words. Like, we've been taking abbrevs to the next level since the early 2000s, and the human race has us to thank for "omg," "FOMO," "thot," "fuckboy," "v" (as in "very"), "TBH," and "af." World, you're literally so welcome. That being said, sometimes it can be hard to keep up with all the contributions to the English language that twentysomething females are making daily, and we're here to tell you about a new feminist buzzword that should live in your vernacular alongside "gaslighting," "mansplaining," and "men are trash." In the immortal words of Cher Horowitz, "We have got to work on your vocabulary," which brings us to a new word that you shouldn't use sporadically: hepeat.

"Hepeat"

Part of Speech: Verb
Origin: Adam in the fucking Garden of Eden
Definition: When a woman suggests an idea, and it's ignored, but then a guy says the same thing and everyone loves it.
Sentence:

If you're thinking "IDGAF about this word", you really should GAF because men taking credit for the work women do has been happening since the beginning of time, and we shouldn't put up with it anymore. We've all thought "I literally just said that and nobody listened to me," after a man makes a so-called amazing point, and we all need to stop pretending it's okay. There currently is no cure for hepeating. Well, there's no cure other than being a bad betch and making sure that everyone knows it was your idea (or another woman's idea) in the first place, but then you run the risk of being labeled a "bitch" by men who have a small dick are intimidated by outspoken women. Considering that the "face with tears of joy" emoji was the Word of the Year for 2016, "hepeating" should be the Word of the Century.

Now that you've learned a new word, try using it in a sentence today. I guarantee that if you interact with more than one man in the next 24 hours you'll have the opportunity. But in case you need some hepeat inspo, here are the some prime examples:

The most common case of hepeating is in a meeting when our girl—let's call her Cindy—is sitting next to that douchebag who gets too drunk at company happy hours—let's call him Chad. Cindy and Chad's boss has asked everyone to contribute ideas for how to solve a significant business issue, and Cindy has a great fucking idea. So Cindy says her suggestion just as some asshole sneezes and nobody hears her, except for Chad who then announces to the room Cindy's idea word for word. Everyone in that meeting is at first shocked that Chad, who couldn't figure out how to send an Out of Office automatic reply, has contributed this brilliant-beyond-brilliant idea. But then they thank him and start talking about how to implement what Cindy fucking came up with. Chad just hepeated Cindy, and Chad is a fucking asshole. Fuck you, Chad.

In a more social setting, imagine our girl Sarah is at a bar with her not-boyfriend Kyle and some of his friends watching a football game. During a commercial break, Kyle and his friends are debating a particular question about the game and Sarah knows the answer to that question because her dad posted a Facebook status about it earlier that day. (Or maybe she knows it because contrary to men's small-minded beliefs, women CAN know shit about football because they like it and not just because they're trying to impress some dude.) But then somebody at the bar spilled a full beer on the floor and the entire room was filled with chants of "Party Foul," so nobody heard Sarah's brilliant answer when she gave it. Except Kyle did hear her, so he decides to share with the group the answer to their football question and gets bragging rights for stealing the answer Sarah actually knew. Kyle hepeated Sarah. Let's hope that Sarah ghosts him.

And in perhaps the worst moment of all, Eliza is having dinner with her fiancé Parker. She suggests that they move into a larger apartment now that they've been living together for a while. Parker disagrees and refuses to even talk about moving from his apartment, because he's an overgrown toddler who doesn't like change. Months later Parker finds a great apartment through his friend who's a broker, so Parker tells Eliza that he wants to move into the larger place that his friend found, because they've been living together for a while. Parker hepeated Eliza and actually wants to congratulate on coming up with the idea. Parker can go shave his back now. 

In instances such as these, there doesn't need to be a coincidental noisy event like a beer dropping on the floor to cause a hepeat moment. Most times it's simply caused by the fact that men never listen to women when we speak and then turn around later in our one-year review and say you would have gotten that raise or promotion if only you would "be more proactive" and "speak up more" and you resist the urge not to "speak up" all your pent-up grievances in the form of "proactively" burning the entire office down. Just me then? K. In all examples, though, men are trash, which is why the only solution to hepeating is to call it when you see it. Seriously, just say "Hey Kyle, you totally hepeated Sarah's idea," and then when he asks, "Duhhh, what's hepeating?" (because that is how all men speak), you get the added bonus of getting the opportunity to female-splain it to him. A truly rare and rewarding opportunity indeed.

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